"Creme Seife" - A Tale of the Ages

It was one of those Ganske-style mistakes. Something that could live in infamy or something that will just be laughed about for a few weeks. One simple blunder mean't everything...

The day was Tuesday, the 10th of January, 2006. The weather in Dortmund was very cold, so cold in fact that the wind also blew and the weather dry. With this, I found that my skin became very dry and more importantly my face. In order to solve this apparent simple problem, I eagerly applied "Creme Seife". At this point, I assured myself that this "Creme Seife" was lotion and everything would be better.

The next day, I awoke with a drier face so after my shower I applied more "Creme Seife". Naturally, this would be the optimum solution; to apply lotion right after a shower. The day seemed to be going well, but it was even windier. By the end of the day, my face was bright red and would need more "Creme Seife".

Thursday morning, yet again, I applied the "Creme Seife". At this point I had some doubts about it, but I figured it was worth one more shot. By Thursday afternoon, my face was very very red and obviously not normal. At this point you are probably thinking, why would he still use the "Creme Seife"? I didn't know what to think as well - I had developed a list of possible causes and solutions in my mind regarding my red, dry face.


1. Windburn - The wind sometimes was unbearable and it perced my soul with the cold. Solution: I would need to wear a scarf or something similar outside and at other times stay in warm weather.

2. My room was too warm - If you know me well, you know I like things warm. If, in fact, the weather outside is cold and you enter a warm room, it will dry out your face. Solution: The temperature in my room must decrease.

3. I was allergic to my new cereal - I had just bought a lot of Fruit Musli Cereal (Granola) and it had various nuts, oats, and dried fruits in the ingredients possibly giving my face an allergic reaction. I basically threw out this approach later deciding that I had never had any type of allergy earlier in my life and the cereal was just too delicious and cheap to stop eating it. Only 1.50 Euros for 1000g. Solution: Stop eating the cereal.

4. The Shower Soap - I was using the cheap shower soap and I knew it definitely does tend to dry out the skin and on Tuesday, I stopped using it. Solution: If this was the cause, I would need to apply "Creme Seife" and it would be gone soon since I hadn't been using the crappy soap on my face.

5. Alcohol - Wednesday night was Susan's Leaving Dortmund/Going Back to Ameria Party. I didn't drink much, but I thought it was possible a little wine could make my face turn red and work against the "Creme Seife". I'm not Asian, but I know my brother Chad gets a little red sometimes. Maybe this was happening to me.

6. The "Creme Seife" - Maybe the "Creme Seife" was not in fact a lotion at all. This was hard to imagine at first because it felt good when I rubbed it into my face and when I was done, my hands didn't turn red, but maybe my hands were just tougher than my face.


With such multiple possible causes, I decided to consult the professionals. 1. WEBMD.com and 2. Dr. Kathryn Ganske - Mom, Nurse, Professor, and Doctor of Nursing (How could I go wrong with this approach, my mother is a real Dr. Mom)

Yet again, I make the wrong decision. A low-point in my decision-making process. Basically, I cracked under pressure. After waking from an afternoon nap, my face was again dry. I decided to call my mom and consult her, but she was in a meeting... My best resource was unavailable and I had no options. I decided to consult the web, which to no avail said to apply lotion. So, what else was I to do? I applied the "Creme Seife".

My face was not improving. It felt better for a few minutes after the "Creme Seife" everytime, but afterwards wouldn't feel good anymore. What was wrong? Something must be wrong with the "Creme Seife"... or was there? I had only just Thursday morning stopped eating my new favorite, delicious, health-packed, value cereal. I had also only just Tuesday stopped using the crappy soap. And the weather had not been improving.

Suddenly, my mom, aka. Dr. Mom Teacher of Nursing, was no longer idle on AIM and I called her immediately using Skype. To no avail, she first said to use lotion or skin creme. But isn't that what I was using? Doesn't "Seife" mean skin?

The next 30 seconds of my life may be an ultra-low point of Ganske absent-mindedness, stubbornness, and stupidity. I decided it was time to consult a German dictionary. So why didn't I do this before? Well, I thought that at this point in my German studies, a simple word like skin was of course easy to recognize as "Seife".

I was wrong..

The dictionary clearly stated: "Creme Seife" = "Soap Creme"

This was a horrible mistake. My miracle lotion that was supposed to be helping my windburn slash allergic-reaction slash dried-out face was actually making it worse. My last possible cause for this dryness and redness was correct. The "Creme Seife" was no lotion at all, but rather soap.

Soap! Being the historical evil of dryness, I should have known better. My error of judgement was such a simple, yet big and awful mistake. Why was I so stupid, stubborn, and absent-minded? Why was I so arrogant to be so sure that "Seife" meant skin, when in fact skin means "die Haut"?

"Die Haut" - Something so utterly different I should be ashamed...

At once, I thanked my mother, cursed at my idiocracy, and hurried to the store. Not too far down the last aisle, "Lotion" was clearly apparent.

You mean the word for lotion in German is "Lotion". Shameful, another misconception and more reason enough that my German needs more work. Someone please tell Harper-Collins that there needs to be a toiletries and bathroom products vocabulary section in the textbook!

After applying this American Dove "Lotion", my face already felt more hydrated, smoother, and more comfortable. In retrospect, maybe I should blame the weather for being cold, or my dad for giving me Ganske genes, but these were not to blame. My German vocabulary was clearly guity.

I have no excuses... I should have been more careful... This lesson will live with me the rest of my life with one simple message: TRANSLATE FIRST